Things to do when you’re bored out of your mind

• Jam 39 tiny marshmallows up your nose and try to sneeze them out.
• Use your Mastercard to pay your Visa.
• Pop some popcorn without putting the lid on.
• When someone says, “Have a nice day,” tell them you have other plans.
• Find out what a frog in a blender really looks like.
• Forget the diet center and send yourself a candygram.
• Make a list of things to do that you’ve already done.
• Dance naked in front of your pets.
• Put your toddler’s clothes on backward and send him off to preschool as if nothing was wrong.
• Retaliate for tax woes by filling out your tax forms with Roman numerals.
• Tattoo “Out to lunch” on your forehead.
• Tape pictures of your boss on watermelons and launch them from high places.
• Leaf through a National Geographic and draw underwear on the natives.
• Go shopping.  Buy everything.  Sweat on it.  Return it the next day.
• Buy a subscription to Sleazoid Weekly and send it to your boss’s wife.
• Pay your electric bill in pennies.
• Drive to work in reverse.
• Relax by mentally reflecting on your favorite episode of The Flinstones during that important finance meeting.
• Sit naked on a shelled hard-boiled egg.
• Refresh yourself: Put your tongue on a cold steel guard rail.
• Tell your boss to blow it out of his mule and let him figure it out.
• Polish your car with ear wax.
• Read the dictionary upside down and look for secret messages.
• Start a nasty rumor and see if you recognize it when it comes back to you.
• Bill your doctor for time spent in his waiting room.
• Braid the hairs in each nostril.
• Write a short story using alphabet soup.
• Lie on your back eating celery, using your navel as a salt dipper.
• Stare at people through the tines of a fork and pretend they’re in jail.
• Make up a language and ask people for directions.

Originally titled How to Handle Stress, I think it works for boredom, too.  Especially staring at people through forks.  Napping also works well, but alas, I am not allowed.  *sigh*  Does anyone remember “Frog in a Blender?”  That was so much fun!  And “Gerbil in a Microwave!”  They are much better with sound, though, and my computer doesn’t have any.

I’m gonna do somethin’ to ya…somethin’ bad…

Fifty-six days till August 1…

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