From the Mouths of Babes

My son never ceases to amaze me.  He comes up with the funniest things!  And now, without further ado, come musings from a five-year-old:

After seeing a commercial for Iowa State University, whose latest commercials feature a boy saying he wants his four years to last forever:
• “Mom, I want my four years to last forever so I can stay your little boy.”

In re his reading skills:
• T: “My shirt says football player on it.”
• M: “It does?  I thought it said Nike 1972.”
• T: “No, it doesn’t.  It says football player.  I can read better than you, Mom.”

Concerning cars:
• “If you run out of gas, you get a flat tire.”

That’s right, folks, he’s a Star Wars fan:
• T: “When I grow up, I’m not going to be Tom anymore.”
• M: “You’re not?”
• T: “No, I’m going to be Luke cuz Luke is awesome!”

On bedtime:
• M: “Now it’s time for all little boys to be in bed.”
• T: “But I’m not a little boy, I’m a big boy!  I wear a Pull-Up!”

Weighty issues:
• R: “Did you gain weight?”
• T: “No, you did!”

On sick friends:
• T: “Why do we have to go to Grandpa’s?”
• M: “Because Mommy has a sick friend she wants to go and visit.”
• T: “Are you going to do to him what he did to you?”
• M: “What did he do to me?”
• T: “Cheer you up.”
• M: “Yes, I’m going to cheer him up.” 

On possibly naughty bathtime activities:
• G: “What are you doing?”
• T: “Spraying water on my wee-wee.”
• G: “Maybe you shouldn’t do that.”
• T: “Why, is it naughty?”
• G: “Uh…Ask Mommy!”

On parents:
• T: “You’re not my mommy!”
• M: “Well then who is?”
• T: “Puppy.  Puppy will take me to Sandi’s and Puppy is going to drink all your pop!”

On growing up:
• T: “When I’m five, you can’t carry me anymore.”
• D: “I can’t?”
• T: “No, cuz I’ll be really heavy then.”

On holding hands when it’s icy:
• M: “Be careful, it’s slick.”
He slips.
• M: “Are you okay?”
• T: “Mom, you were supposed to hold my hand!”
• M: “Honey, my holding your hand is not going to save you from falling.”
• T: “But you know how to ice skate.”
• M: “Honey, knowing how to ice skate has never saved me from falling yet!”

On having the sniffles:
• T: “Mommy, I have a fever.”
• M: “Oh you do, do you?  How do you know?”
• T: “Because I can’t stop coughing.”

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